Day 16

So we had kind of a rough 24 hours at our house.  Everyone (including me) except for Brayden got a stomach bug. I won’t go into details, but there was lots of vomiting and very little sleep. While at the doctor yesterday morning, she suggested that I put on a movie and let everyone lay around so I could get some rest (I am pretty sure I look like death warmed over at this point… strep, ear infections, tummy bug, no hubby, and no sleep for a week= not pretty Cassie). Before I could say anything, Eleni made sure to inform the doctor that, “we won’t be able to watch a movie because we have no screens until Easter.”  That we do Eleni. That. We. Do. 

This was the first time I have heard any of the kids semi-complain about the no TV since we started.  Landen (who definitely had it the worst) mentioned late in the afternoon (20 hours of stomach cramps and vomiting at this point) “it sure would be nice to lay here and watch a movie like the doctor said. Too bad it is not after Easter.”  Bless his little sickly heart… it would be nice.  

So the kids are feeling the pain of it too sometimes, they just don’t complain about it near as often as I do.  And I guess it’s because they are the kids and I am the grown-up, or maybe it is because they are still sweet and innocent (most of the time) but I made an observation from my kid’s reactions today. They have no urge to cheat or give in like I do.  They just think, “Well this stinks.”  But they never have the urge to try to sneak a screen or just say, forget it… we are watching TV.  They just do it because it is what they were told to do.  Wish I could follow the instructions of the Father with that kind of discipline. I guess that is kind of what I am trying to accomplish through this process, but so far… I kind of feel like a giant whinny kid, dragging my feet kicking and screaming.  Hope to get better at this as time goes on.

What was in store for the afternoon you ask? OPERATION SANATIZE!!!! Every linen striped and washed, all pillows, blankies, cuddleupets, door handles sanitized, light switches, tables, chairs, floors, all surfaces… if it was in the house, it got bleached. I am so tired of the sickness, so I de-germed everything.  The kids (still have Landen home from school) kept themselves busy with books, puzzles, and coloring (imagine that). So sanitizing everything gave me some good time to think about things this afternoon.

First- I have awesome friends. I had three people call to check in to see how we were feeling, someone offered to come pick up anyone non-puking so I could get some rest, someone picked up Brayden and took him to school, someone offered to bring me dinner, and another friend stop by and brought a bag of crafts to keep the kids busy –and there was CHOCOLATE in the bag for me J(and I don’t live around the block, 95% of my friends live in the neighboring town). You people are awesome.

Craft to keep the kids busy.

Second-When you feel like God has called you to do something… it is sometimes not at ALL what you originally thought. The verses in Romans 12: 6-8 that say We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; ⁷ if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; ⁸ if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully is what got me into this whole mess of the 5-7-9 fasting thing.  I am about to enter a season that I am not a “leader” of an organization, or a ministry, or a classroom, or a sorority, or a dorm, or a HS student body, or a cheerleading squad, or etc.  You get the point. I feel like my gift that God gave me is leading… so I have been doing that since I was like 10 (or birth if you ask my family). So I thought it was this thing and I was obeying.  Over the past two years I have had some really difficult, life-altering, entire mind changing experiences while in my leadership roles that have made me doubt if this is really what God is wanting me to do.  Maybe I am not a leader and I have just been pretending to be this whole time? OR maybe I am trying to lead everything except what He is intending me to focus on and lead.  Maybe the reason that these roles have become, dare I say, unappealing, is because what He truly wants me to do is to stop attempting to lead all the adults, and start leading these little people that He entrusted to me.

Now before you people start thinking, “the man is the head of the house, women should not be the leader in the family” I know, I know.   And yes, my husband is the leader of our home.  Daddy’s say is the final say (however easy or difficult that is to swallow sometimes).  I respect my husband and know that he has our family’s best interest at heart. And I am a submissive wife. But I am the gal with 80% of face time with the little people that live here, being the stay at home mom, and maybe I should be focusing on the actual act of leading them. 

Over the last 6 months, I have kind of been freaking out that I am about to step away from the last thing I have committed myself to lead, or even play an active role in (like where people are counting on me to do something all of the time) and I don’t see the next thing God is calling me to do. Sometimes I get so focused on the question, “What does God want me to do with my life?” That I don’t realize that maybe I am doing it, just not to the ability that He wants me to, so He is clearing my plate to focus on “What God has called me to do”.  (All of you people that have been telling me, “maybe He just wants you to be a mom” and I keep saying, “I don’t think that is it” you should shake your head in silence and do not say “I told you so” to my face.  I am a stubborn, have to learn it myself, kind of girl).

I also want to make this point… There is a season for everything.  I don’t think my time leading different groups or organizations was wasted, I don’t think I have failed my children because I haven’t focused on this concept up to this point, for that matter I don’t think that I haven’t not led them simply because I haven’t focused on it.  I am just saying that in all of my sanitizing today (and who knows… it may be the bleach fumes getting to my brain) this is the concept that is going through my head. I am also saying this is a “maybe” … I could be way off base here.  We will see what God has to show me.  He’s pretty good about the “in His time” , not mine, thing.