Clothing: Day 13

I discovered something over the last couple of days… no one cares that I am wearing the same 7 articles of clothing. No one but me even notices that I wear the same dang outfits day after day. This comes as a sad, yet reassuring presence in my life. 

Reassuring because people in my life do not put near the emphasis on external things and judgments as I thought they did. I have not felt anything negative from outside sources about this entire process. I realized most people aren’t going to say something out of common courtesy if they do notice, but I truly feel people don’t care or notice. 

Sad, because it makes me realize how I can be very self absorbed. This first two weeks I have been irritated and self conscience about what I am wearing, and then came that little moment when you realize there is such a bigger picture. Mine was through an accumulation of small events today. (Don't mind the random pictures throughout of people doing what they need to be doing. :))

My mom being a superstar grandma.

MOPS moms donating toys and scrubs for Moore, OK.

It started with a very early call from my husband. He wasn’t here and wanted to say I love you and hear my voice. It didn’t matter to him the clothes I had on, only the words that came from my mouth and through the phone line. I was doing what I needed to do in that moment.

Landen writing me a love note.

Next was Landen waking me up this morning with a picture that he drew for me. “I Love You” with a rainbow.  It has been almost 2 full weeks, my children see me everyday. The girls see me all day everyday. And not one of them has mentioned or asked why I am wearing the same clothes over and over. Why? Well, maybe it is because they are children and they don’t notice things like that (though Eleni is very style/clothing in tune). OR, maybe it is because it doesn’t matter. There is no reason to care if I am wearing the same outfit or not. If I am clothed and doing the role I am here to do… the outfit doesn’t matter.

The day progressed through text, phone calls, facebook messages of people needing someone to pray, advice, or simply someone to listen. None of these people care about what I am wearing, they just need me to be doing what is necessary in the moment.

Life is about doing. Doing what you are called to do. Whether that is the big picture of “what you are called to do” or they day to day…. wipe up spilled milk, wash the dishes, do the laundry, make the lunch , call the friend, pray with your child in the moment “what you are called to do at that moment”, it really doesn’t matter. It is still about doing.

Mrs. Engelbrecht being an AMAZING kindergarten teacher!

I sent a message out today asking for a specific prayer request to some dear friends. My emotional state today had absolutely nothing to do with my outfit. I would have had the same feelings of anxiety and worry if I was in a ball gown, with diamonds and perfectly fixed hair and make-up, dressed to the nines… or if I was in the same blue t-shirt and pair of jeans that I feel like I have worn about a million times in the past 2 weeks (which I was). 

Dana being a rock star friend!

Today I got that little nudge, the “ah-ha” moment from God. I have been so consumed and obsessed about what I have been wearing because it was my focus. I was waiting for God to show me how beautiful I was on the inside, how I should be comfortable and appreciative of the body He gave me.  I had it all planned out on what He was going to teach me this month, because that is what I thought I needed to learn. And maybe it is a lesson I need to learn, and He will teach me in His own time. But today my heart was softened to the possibility of learning something outside of my plan. 

My kids having AWESOME behavior while we wait at the doctor.

Today was about doing what I am called to do, even if it is just for that moment. And relying on others (even when I have hesitation about judgment or depending on others to meet a need) to do what God calls them to do. God is showing me all kinds of things through this journey. Some of them hard lessons or truths about myself, and some of them are amazing moments of reassurance and peace. And that is amazing!

Thanks for joining me on this amazing journey.