Me Month: Day 12

Fastitude- The selfish attitude of entitlement that you develop when you do something like name a fasting process “Me” month.

So I have had major “fastitude” this week. I know it is kind of ironic, being that I have just been shown many ways how things don’t work when they are about “me”… but I developed it none the less. It has been a stressful week at my house with lots of things going on, none of which are fasting goal oriented (which was frustrating to me). I also haven’t felt well all week, so that it was started it all. Busy, stressed, and feeling crummy!

My first big pouting session came on Monday when I discovered the candy bar (candy bar really doesn’t do it justice… it is like a little slice of caramel filled heaven) that I had purchased for my “Sweet Sunday” and then forgot to eat. So now this beautiful candy bar gets to stare at me and taunt me all week… the week that I would like a candy bar the size of my head!

The next thing was a fundraiser for school. Our family has been waiting for a special occasion to go to Orangeleaf Frozen Yogurt place… it has been here for well over 5 months and we have yet to go. Well there was a fundraiser for our kid’s school there on Wednesday. What?!?!? Wednesday?!?!? That is not a “Sweet Sunday”! So I got to go watch everyone enjoy there yummy goodness while I sat and pouted that I didn’t get to participate. It didn’t help that my husband said, “it is so good. I want to tell you it is not great so you don’t feel like your missing out, but I can’t… it is REALLY good.” Thanks hubs.

Kids enjoying their choices.

Eric's chocolate snicker doodle with brownies and Reese PB cups!

I was really tired and not feeling super great this week, so I didn’t get a ton of stuff done (that should have already been done) earlier in the week. So today, I spent my ENTIRE day cleaning. Scrubbing floors, laundry, dishes (and because the dishwasher has been broken since Waste month… I have been hand washing everything for 3 months now- but whatever), bathrooms, washing windows… all with my little helper (that most people with small children realize is not really “help”). So knowing that my husband had off on Friday… I was expecting a full day of kid-freeness to craft (because those 9 hours have to be found somewhere). Then I get a text late in the afternoon to see if he can spend the day on the river with a friend. Hold. The. Phone. He wants a day off to do something for himself?!?!? In his defense… I never asked, just assumed, that I was getting a kid-free day… and he had no idea that I just spent my entire day cleaning the house to earn that kid-free day. But I was mad none the less.

By the time he got home I was not pleasant person to say the least. He was taking kids to soccer because I had to run errands for school projects. I started to yell, then realized I was yelling… so I started talking to him with my teeth clenched so tight that it literally hurt… I think when you talk in such a hateful tone… it kind of defeats the purpose of “no yelling”. So I left. I did my shopping and met up with a friend. I was expressing my aggravation of my horrible week/day and the words, “I don’t think he realizes it is ME month” came out of my mouth. And then the clouds parted and the Lord said in the holiest of holy voices, “Oh no she didn’t!”  Ok… so that last part didn’t happen… but it kind of felt like it. I think by titling the month ME month… I kind of lost sight of the goal. I went from making me the best me I can FOR God… to why is everyone not catering to me this month?!?!? It’s about me, right?

So after a good long prayer session in the car, and a trip to Dairy Delight for a hot fudge milkshake for the hubs as a peace offering… I think I am back on track.

I have a kid-free weekend coming up with my husband that I am so excited about! And though it will be very enjoyable to have some alone time… there are plenty of opportunities built in to make it about God… and for that I am very thankful.

Here is to keeping my focus on the intent of the month, and not making it about “me”!

Thanks for joining me on the journey.