When this month started this month, my biggest area of “Holy
Cow… I am really failing in this department of my life” was in the area of
friendship. I have felt like I have always struggled with friendships with
women (this is why 90% of my friends in high school and college were males…
they are just less complicated). I think the reason I felt like I was failing
in this role is because I didn’t really understand it and its diversity and flexibility.
When I started this month I sent out emails to friends (of all
ages) of whom I felt would give me honest and thought out answers (this also
included all my council members). There were lots of things that were similar…
the things you would expect… loyalty, honesty, be able to hold you accountable…
those sorts of things. But I didn’t expect all the differences that came along
with it. Things from, “there should be some sort of physical touch when you
encounter” to “you need to have a common hobby that you can do/discuss
together.” It made me very aware that
different people need different things to make them feel fulfilled in a
friendship. So it made me really evaluate what I needed and/or felt I should
give to a friendship. This started
stressing me out. Does this mean I have only 2 friends (that sometime I
question if they are my friends)?!?!? Are my expectations too high? Do I scare
people away? What is wrong with me? Do I need therapy?!?!?
And then I had a lovely conversation with a good friend,
followed by an email with an attachment from a recent article from a MOPS
newsletter. It was written by Cheryl
Pacilio and Jody Antrim and was a lovely explanation of friendship.
It described friendships like the ripples in the water… there are so many rings
and each one represents “levels” of friendship. The first line of the article
actually said, “Friendships are all important, but they are not all equal- and
that’s okay!” What?!?!? So here I am thinking I am really stinking it up in the
friendship department because I am not “close” with all these people that I
want to be (and want them to be) a part of my life… when in all reality, that’s
okay… healthy even! I know it seems obvious… I guess I just thought in my small
little brain, that all these people that weren’t my “go to” girls.. .the ones
you call if you have a problem, or talk to everyday, or rely on for Godly advice,
see their messy house, steal their kids to give them a break, vacation together…
these people I guessed/assumed weren’t my friends. Just people I know… acquaintances
really. But this article did such a great job of explaining that these people are my friends, they are just a
different kind of friend than my “core group” of girls… and that is okay! (Yeah
for having friends!)
Here is something else I was made aware of in my friend
investigation this month. We are human. I know… shocking statement! But we are
and that means we will all screw up at some point (some of us more often than
others :)). So friends are going to do things that disappointment me and let me
down, and I am going to do things that disappoint or let my friends down. This
is life. It doesn’t mean we are not friends,
it means we are human. It doesn’t give
us an excuse not to try to be the best friend we know how to be, but simply
allows for a little bit of grace amongst ourselves. There are also friendships
that you have to give a lot more that you get, and friendships that you get a
lot more than you give. There will be friends that move out of the core circle
of friends… because lets face it… life happens and most of us are not lucky
enough to have our best friend from kindergarten still in your core group of girls
in our 30s…. and friends that move into the core group of girls that maybe have
not always been so close. This is life and (according to the article) it’s
okay!
I am so thankful for all my different “ripples” of friends.
One of my favorite Bible verses that can be used in EVERY role of my life is
Luke 6:31 Do to others as you would have them do to you. It is that
simple in every area of your life. If you want your children to treat you with
respect, you should treat them with respect. If you want your husband to show
you he loves you and do sweet little things for you, you should do them for
him. If you want a friend to be loyal and trustworthy, then bi-golly… you better be that for her! The Bible doesn’t
say, “Do to others as they do to you”… that is not how it works. You have to
give your best to people (whatever role you might me talking about) regardless of what they give to you…
and sometimes that is really, really difficult… but we are to do it anyway because
God tells us to.
This month was difficult to hear some hard truths, but has
been so rewarding in the things I have discovered about myself… in every role
of my life.
Thanks for joining me on the journey!
true insight.....I do love you!
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