Roles/Responsibilities: Day 21

I have been horrible about blogging during this fast (though I am learning a lot and trying to implement)! Life has happened and blogging just took a back burner to other things this month. We have had sick kids, late nights, half days because of heat… those result in fun summer like things in the afternoon that throw your schedule off, tomatoes that ripen and are ready to be canned, Cardinals games, soccer games and practices for 3 little people, and just life in general… so sorry for the nonexistent blog this month.  I will try to address my findings in each area this week (since we are on the last week of the fast at this point).  :)

Early release Awesomeness!!!

Family Date Night to the Cards Game!

So motherhood… this is an area that scares me to death! When you think about the responsibility of being a parent and that you potentially can ruin all these little peoples lives… well lets just face it… that’s a lot of pressure! I don’t want to screw up anyone’s life… especially all these awesome little people God gave to me!

So I started the month by interviewing my kids. I asked them what they think a “good mommy” is or what she would do… even if it is things I don’t do. Here is what I got:

A Good Mom will:

-Treat her kids with respect

-Get them to school on time

-Protect them from villains or bad guys and all harm

-Take you to do fun thing with her

-Cooks good food

-Recycle (thank you last month’s fast!)

-Do crafts with her kids

-Remind kids to do chores

-Be kind to her kid’s friends

-Remember “God gave us to you”

So this is the compilation of what a good mom looks like from the 3-8 year olds opinions in my house. I was really surprised that “no yelling” didn’t make the list… one of the boys requested it as a birthday gift on their last birthday… no yelling for the day… no mom guilt at all on that one!  My favorite one is the last one… “Remember God gave us to you”…Landen came up with that I believe. How easy it is to forget in all the chaos and “work” of being a parent that they are a gift from God that we should cherish and enjoy.

Parenting is a hard gig.  I feel like I am failing at it about 90% of the time.  I think a lot of my problem has to do with two things…the pressure of time and the comparison to the “other mom”. 

When it comes to time… I feel like you only get 18 years with these people to instill in them what is important and shape them and guide them in how to be a person with noble character and survive in this world that we live in before they are on their own. 

It is kind of like taking a timed math test… I know all of multiplication facts, but when you ask me to do 50 of them in a minute, I start freaking out! These problems that I know the answer to, I all of the sudden forget under the pressure of having limited time to complete them. Add in a hot school day, or a kid tapping his pencil, or having an itch in my shoe that I just can’t reach… those distractions make it 10 times worse! I think parenting is very similar. I know what I should do, how I should respond to my children when they misbehave, or have a problem, or want to spend time with me when I am doing something else… or simply the things I would like to teach them and do with them… but the pressure of the clock and all the distractions of life make it difficult for me to always do the things I know I should do. So sometimes I yell, sometimes I just do what I selfishly want to, or what is easiest in the moment. I make decisions that I wouldn’t make if I was removed from the situation and looking at it from the outside. I am so thankful for God’s grace that He just keeps giving me chance after chance to love these little people He has so abundantly blessed me with.

Comparison… this could be a novel… but I will limit what I have learned (yet still struggle to put into practice) with one conversation I had with my husband about 2 years ago. I had just come home from a large gathering of moms sharing their stories/parenting styles. I was crying to my husband about what a failure I was. I wanted to be “more spiritual and have daily devotion time” like Holy Mom, I wanted be “more of a servant wife instead of the complaining about my day wife” like Awesome Wife Mom, I wanted to be “skinny and run 7 minute miles and incorporate my kids into my exercise program instead of using my kids as an excuse not to work out” like Exercise Mom, I wanted to “cook healthy meals instead of chicken nuggets and pizza 3 nights a week” like Organic Mom, I wanted to be “more involved in the classroom instead of always just sending stuff” like School mom, I wanted to “create and scrap all the memories of my children instead of being 3 years behind on scrapbooks” like Crafty Mom, I wanted to “help financially instead of asking for money” like Financial Mom, I wanted to “have a clean house instead of piles of laundry and dishes” like Tidy Mom, I wanted to “have a chore chart that worked and was used instead of a half finished project in the basement” like Organized mom.  So I asked him… how do I be that woman? I don’t know how to be her!  And you know what he said to me… “Cass, that woman does not exist. You just named like 10 different people. No one could be all of those things.  You are comparing yourself to 10 different people’s strong points and expecting to be all of those things. It is impossible.”  And he was right. 

As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the Thief of Joy”.  Man did he hit the nail on the head. There will always be someone that can do it (whatever “it” is that you are comparing) better than you… you can count on it. But if we spend all of our time comparing, we are missing out on some amazing moments with our kids!  I think I will just embrace the gifts God has given me and do the best with what I have. 

Side Note… I don’t think that I get off the hook of trying to grow and become a better wife, mother, human just because I say I am not going to compare. I think it is so very important to always strive to be better than I am and push myself to become better in whatever area(s) I am choosing to focus on, but I believe it is unfair to me (and the woman I am comparing myself to) to compare myself to someone else. If I only focus on the end result being better than someone else’s end result, it only takes away they enjoyment of the growing and learning process. 

This month has been a hard one (not at all what I was expecting). Taking a good hard look at your life and where you are falling short is not always easy. But I am so thankful for forgiving children, a husband that loves me regardless of my failures or accomplishments, and a God that is merciful and gives me multiple opportunities to get this gig right!

Thanks for reading what might be the longest post ever! :)

And thanks for joining me on the journey!