2:28 on Mondays

Grief is weird.

It is hard and consuming and so very different for every person.

My mom died just over a month ago. July 3, 2017 at 1:28pm... it was a Monday. I was there at her bedside, along with my brother and three sisters, my dad, my grandparents and my mom's siblings. I can remember every little detail in the few minutes before and up to her passing. I remember what I was wearing and what I was doing. I can very vividly see every person surrounding her bed and how they were reacting and responding. I can hear the people in the back ground. I can remember exactly what my mom looked like. This is an image that I replay over and over in my head every Monday around 2:28 in the afternoon (because I live on the East coast and she lives in the mid-west... she always forgot that we were an hour ahead when she would call late at night). It is a hard thing.

Everyone does grief differently. I don't know that there is a right or a wrong way, but I do know I don't like doing it.  I go through phases of being overly whelming sad... hard to get out of bed and function, uncontrollable weeping sad. I will be angry. Angry with God, angry with life, and sometimes just angry. And then there moments of normal. Some days it is all consuming and some days I stay busy and sidetracked and just have moments.

It is hard for me sometimes to watch the people around me doing everything normal... not that I want other people to be consumed by this or have to live it... but just that life keeps going and I feel kind of stuck. It is almost a jealousy I have of those around me not grieving.

I have spent a lot of time hiding out at my house. I don't venture out much where I think I might see people I know. I'm afraid someone will try to console me, or someone won't know and ask my how my mom is and I will loose it. I actually had to say the words, "my mom died" out loud to my doctor the other day, which resulted in me in an uncontrollable sob for about 5 minutes to try to regain my composure. I think it was the first time I had to say it out loud.

I have become completely obsessed with studying everything the Bible has to say about death. What happens, when it happens... all things I was pretty confident I knew, but I guess I never really in depth thought about it. I have always been a person that has looked forward to death. Not the actual dying part or in a suicidal, "I am unhappy with living" sort of way... but in a "I can not wait to meet my Savior face to face" sort of way. I have always looked forward to the day when the troubles of this world are no longer and I am enjoying the magnificence of heaven. I have never feared death. And I guess, to some extent that is still true. I do not fear me dying. But I have become (some days completely) consumed with the thought of those around me dying. My husband, my children... it is hard for me for not all of us to be together. The simple task of my husband going to work some days  puts me in a full blown panic. My kids having play dates or sleepovers when they aren't with me makes me overly anxious. It is very weird and not a natural thing for me.

Sleeping is hard. My thoughts are at a constant about my mom when I try to lay down and sleep. I wonder how things are for my dad. I worry about him a lot. I think about how my siblings are handling it... all of us so very different. All in different seasons of life and missing a different aspect of my mom in their life. I'm always afraid to call someone, thinking it might be a moment they are doing well or not thinking about it and I will turn on that grief switch for them. I think about my grandparents and them loosing a child. It is just nonstop when I try to sleep.

I have come to hate any phrase that begins with, "Well, at least..."

"Well, at least you know she is in a better place."
"Well, at least you know she is no longer suffering."
"Well, at least you got to say good-bye."
"Well, at least you know she is watching over you."

The list goes on and on... and I hate it. I know people are trying to be comforting... I know. Do I think she is in a better place than this broken world? Yes. Am I happy she is not suffering in her cancer riddled body? Absolutely. Am I thankful that I got to be there with my family when she passed? I am... but it doesn't mean I wish that is how it went down. I wish she was still here. I wish cancer wasn't even a thing we ever had to deal with. I wish she never had to fight, or hurt, or that my dad didn't have to be alone. She had a husband that loved her unconditionally, she had her dream job of teaching kindergarten, and she had 13 grandchildren here on earth, one more coming very soon... and she loved being a Marmee. There were lots of things about this life here on earth that she loved too. I wish people would just say, "I'm sorry and this totally sucks!" Because there is nothing you can say to make it better or hurt less.

God is good. I know this. I rely on this.  But this is hard. I lean on Him, and I trust that His plan is bigger and better than any dream I could have. I'm just struggling through this part of the plan. I take comfort in knowing it is just PART of my journey here on this earth.

When we were going through a lot of my mom's things the week after the funeral I found a piece of scratch paper tucked in a book. It was about a 2X2 inch piece of paper with a verse jotted down on it in my mother's handwriting. This is what my mom wrote, " By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain... 1 Cor 14:10 " I keep this tiny little scratch paper in my wallet. I look at it several times a day. I don't know when my mom wrote it, or what she was doing but when I first found it I thought, what I perfect way to sum up my mom's life in words. So I kept it.  As most people, I would assume, when they see something written like that with a verse attached, they assume that it was the scripture says. It wasn't until this past week that I looked up 1 Corinthians 14:10. I looked it up in about 12 different versions actually, because what she wrote does not match up to the verse. 1 Corinthians 14:10 actually says this, "There are, it may be, so many kinds of voices in the world, and none of them is without signification."  I don't know, because my mom is not here to ask, but these words that she wrote (that I thought where scripture) I like to think is what she thinks God was telling her through that verse. He says... there are so many voices (us all having our own) and they are all significant.  And her take was.. "This is who I am, and God's grace is enough. I am significant." Only she and the Lord know what her reasoning for the words or why those words with the scripture reference... but I do know this... whether is it a misquote, her thoughts, or whatever it may be... it is exactly what I needed to think about my mom... and quite honestly exactly what I need to think about myself at this stage of my life. " By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain..."

I love my mom. I miss my mom. This is part of my journey... and it is oh so hard... but good or bad, hard or not,  2:28 on every Monday is part of the journey none the less.

Little People with Big Dreams...

God is good.

It has been a rough week, and today I am super thankful for an email full of pictures of God's amazing works. 

Four kids with a giant dream... and hundreds of people... some that love us and some that don't know us from Adam... come together for the good of mankind. 

Remember way back to Christmas when the generous hearts of people from all over the United States raised $8,029.33 to help a little village in Kenya?!?!?  

And beyond helping the village on the other side of the world, y'all bought funky socks... like tons of them! And with the generous WE HELP TWO we provided 550 pair of warm socks that were distributed all over the state of Maryland, Washington DC, Missouri, and a few states in between for people in need over the winter time. And not only that... but 174 pair of fun funky socks for kids in the hospital!

And with those amazing funds you provided a Solar well pump for fresh flowing water for that little village in Kenya. Not only did you do that, but there was so much money raised beyond the goal that they purchased beds, and mattresses, and lots of goats and chickens for the community!

Do you remember that? 

Well if you don't... or you needed the reminder that through all the hard things, and the not fun things, and the "feel like I'm failing" things going on in your life... there are still little people with big dreams, and an AMAZING God that can make what seems impossible a reality.

I am so, so thankful to all of you... hundreds of you... tons of whom I don't even know, that contributed to this. It restores my hope in the human race and reminds me there are lots of amazing, beautiful hearts are there doing great things for the people of this world.

But you know what else I feel... blessed. Parenting is hard... some days it is really, REALLY hard. I worry and stress if we are doing it right. Are we teaching and focusing on the right things? Are they getting what we are teaching? And I know I mess up... a lot... but I am thankful for these amazing kids that God has blessed me with that have big hearts and the desire to make the world a better place. 

Thank you... all of you. 

How to Have a Guilt-free Summer, in my (not so professional) Opinion

We are moms. This comes with a lot of guilt. Some of it false guilt, some of it legit... but I'm here to tell you how to enjoy your summer with your children guilt-free. Are you ready?

First.. my credentials:
I am a mom of 4 children, two boys and two girls, ages 7-12 with a (SURPRISE) baby on the way. I mess up ALL the time! I have major mom fails on a daily basis. Some seasons of life I fail with one child more than the others... sometimes I just all around drop the ball. Some times my mom fails are simple, superficial ones that make me feel guilty but don't do major long term damage. Some times I make HUGE mom fails that crush the spirit of my child that I have to ask both my child and the Lord for forgiveness. I am a human that is trying to do the best I can, but royally screw it up some of the time. I have no professional background or degree in parenting. Take everything I say with a grain of salt... this is my opinion, not the Bible of Parenting (though I might throw some Bible in... because that's how I roll ;) ).

So now that you know me... if you dare to keep reading... here it is... STOP IT! STOP letting other people tell you how to have the "Best Summer of Your Life". STOP letting other moms or articles on how to be a good mom make you feel guilty. STOP letting what other people say, do, and view your Facebook feed effect what you will do and how you do it! It is that simple (and simple does not mean always easy). Do what you want to do and stop worrying about what other mom's think.

In the last week I have read 7 articles on how to have a great summer with my kids. They range anywhere from let your kids eat tons of unhealthy food, have as much screen time as they want, and just plan nothing... to Educational ways to incorporate math, science, and reading into your summer activities... to Making Memorable experiences by giving them the Best Vacation Ever ... to 101 things to put on your Summer Bucket List!  There are so many people telling me how to have a "great" summer... how am I supposed to know what to do? Which route to choose? How do I incorporate them all so that my kids are well rounded and other moms won't silently (or not so silently) judge me? If I only get 17 likes on my activity when I post it to my Facebook page instead of the normal 123... does this mean other moms think I'm not doing it right? GAH!!!

Here is what I have to say... we are all so very different! Every mom parents her children in different ways. That does not mean some are doing it right and some are doing it wrong... it means we are different... and that is ok- it is fantastic actually! What works for you may not work for another mom, and that does not mean a Single. Dang. Thing.

Colossians 3:23 says this, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters."  My work that I have chosen is to be a mom. As long as I am doing it with love, and purpose, and for the Lord... that is all that matters.  "Human masters" when referring to this mommin' thing... those would be the people that you (and I) are trying to impress. The only one that really matters? The Lord. We will mess up, we are human. That is why I am thankful I am doing my work for the Lord, who is forgiving and shows me grace and mercy as I walk through these uncharted waters of parenting.

Don't let others rob you of your joy.

Here is something you should know about me... I am a mom that LOVES to throw birthday parties (or parties of any kind). I like to throw over the top, themed out, food goes with decor, games/activities are thought out, details are important to me parties. I truly LOVE to do it. It makes my heart happy to see everything come together, everything coordinating, I put time and attention into the details of it... I just really REALLY love doing it!
 I spent about a 3 year period feeling really guilty about doing this for my kids... this thing that I LOVED... because there were so many articles coming out saying that moms that threw those kinds of parties aren't doing it for their kids, they were only doing it to impress other moms. "Stop trying to impress other people, all kids really want is cake... you are throwing parties for the wrong reason and your kids don't care."  It would really hurt my feelings when people would call me Pinterest Party mom, or say things like, "trying to make a jealous with another huge party?". I let other people steal my joy. The thing I LOVED doing the most for my kids was stolen from me because I let some article tell me I was doing it for the wrong reason.
Do I think there are probably people that do it for the wrong reason... you betcha! Do I think there is probably some truth to those articles and it was a relief for the mom that really was trying to impress other people to be able to just let it go... I guarantee it! But...  I let my friends make me feel guilty because of their comments. I wasn't doing it for the wrong reason... I truly loved doing it... and I let someone else steal that joy from me.
Does this mean I think a party that is just a cake is a flop? Heck no! It means that mom is different than me. I don't judge a mom on how much she loves her kid by what type of birthday party she throws. She may not love the details or the planning... and that is ok... it's more than ok, she shouldn't be doing it if she is doing it for the wrong reason. She should do what she loves, and not let anyone steal that from her.

Here is my point... have a good summer. Do what works for you to make you have an enjoyable summer.

If it is FUN to create a Summer Bucket List- do it!

If it is FUN to incorporate learning experience and educational ties into everything you do- do it!

If it is FUN to take an unforgettable vacation-do it!

If it is FUN to have no schedule, TV on all the time, drink kool-aide and eat twinkies all summer-do it!

Don't let another mom's very different summer make you feel like you are failing. And don't judge or make passive aggressive comments (and/or vague Facebook posts) when she does it different than you. Don't let some article you read steal your joy in parenting. We are all moms. We are all different. This season of young children will be over before you know it... embrace it and make it your own!

Mommin' ain't easy gals! We are all in this together... but it doesn't mean we all have to do it the same way! Love your kids the best way you can and forget the rest!

Have a GREAT summer!

Sock Update and Other Stuff...

So... y'all are rock stars!

My heart is so overwhelmed with the outpouring of support for this project!  The kids had a goal to sell 150 packages of socks by Thanksgiving... as of Friday, we are at 256!!! 

That is $2,304 toward the goal and 256 pair of thermal socks for the homeless headed to our home as we speak!!! 

 I just can not even... I am a big weepy mess at God's goodness and the kindness and generosity of people! When I get updates on the socks of people that order, I don't know what makes me more excited... seeing people from all different seasons of my life and the outpouring of support to make this dream a reality, or when I see complete strangers ordering? It is just so amazing!

So keep sharing!!! We will go all the way to December 2nd. And keep those sock selfies coming in! We LOVE seeing them! And I have a project in the works with all the photos coming in. :)

No clue what I'm talking about? ... Go HERE for the fundraising post, or HERE to go to directly to the page to order and don't forget to put KRIETE PUMP PROJECT in the organization you wish to support  at checkout so we get the credit.

Click on OUR STORY  to learn the story behind all the sock madness!

In other sock news... we kicked off a school wide event on Friday! That's right! We have our entire elementary school jumping on this sock selling bandwagon. It is opening some amazing doors I never dreamed possible. Our kids have a platform to share their story! In the process all these little kiddos get to learn about how a solar pump works, why they need it in our village in Kenya, they learn about the homeless population here in Southern Maryland, and the math of how all this works! So even if they don't sell socks, I hope and pray their eyes are opened something bigger than themselves these next few weeks!

We are tracking where all the socks are coming from! The kids have a goal of 10 states by Thanksgiving and we are up to 7 as of Friday! So keep them coming in!

Even though it feels like my entire life is rotating around socks and projects for the pump... we do have other things going on in our lives. :)

El and I went on a field trip and they went bird watching. It was super cool and fun and she was the first to spot a bald eagle... Very cool!

And if that wasn't cool enough, Eric and I went on a date to pick up a load of manure for the garden (be jealous ladies). On the way we passed a field and saw not 1, 2, 3, or even 4... but 13 BALD EAGLES!!! It was one of the coolest things I have ever seen! We pulled over and just sat and watched them in all their glory for awhile.

Kids got hired out to do an actual manual labor job for the pump! Picked up tons of branches and sticks for about 2 hours on Saturday before the weather turned bad. It was good for them and I am super thankful for the opportunity!

This kid is rocking my world! I am not going to lie... I was SO nervous about middle school! So far, Brayden is kicking middle school's butt! He is doing well academically, rocking it out in Run Club (the kid runs 6 miles twice a week. What?!?!) And he was selected to play in the All County Honor Band!  He is just such a joy! I could not be prouder!

We cranked out some Operation Christmas Child boxes this weekend! The kids had a super fun time picking out what to put in their boxes... and I managed to not go completely crazy in the shopping process!
 

So things are crazy and overwhelming and wonderful! I am so thankful for this hard crazy life and these beautiful, amazing 4 little people God has given me to raise.

Thank you so much for all your support and joining us on the journey! 

Socks for the Season

We are SUPER DUPER excited to be partnering with We Help Two for our first big fundraiser! Socks for the Season is the campaign and we are pumped to be participating! This is something you can do no matter where you live!

Here is how it works...

You order a package of super cute cozy pairs of socks (you get three pair!!!). They have men, women, boys, and girls sizes. We get 60% of the profit for the Pump Project AND they will send us a pair of warm socks to donate to a local homeless shelter! 60%!!! Free pair to donate!!! That's it! It's that easy and that AMAZING!

Our family has ordered the socks... we love them! They are super cute! They would make excellent stocking stuffers, gift exchange, cute wear around the house, wear them out, donate to a local hospital.... the possiblities are unlimited!!!

You can order online by going HERE... 

Just put "Kriete Pump Project" when it asks Name of Organization you are Helping and we will get $9 for ever package you purchase! $9!!!! That is amazing! The socks will be shipped straight to you, and super quick (2 day shipping)!

If you are not familiar with our story and our mission for Christmas... Here is a link to Our Story on the well and Pump Project!

I am so incredibly excited about this! Fun socks that you can enjoy or give as a gift AND money for the Pump Project AND a pair of warm socks we get to donate to a local person in need! It is just the most perfect thing I could possibly think of to raise funds! We are helping locally and globally! 

If you want to purchase locally, you can order through me and I will put in a big order every week and have them shipped here. :)

You can order from now until December 3! Once you order online your socks are shipped to you then, you won't have to wait until the end of the campaign! So if you need them for a holiday gift exchange at the begining of December, no prob... they will be to you!

So order socks for yourself, your kids, your cousins, your grandma, your neighbor, your sports team, a stranger, to donate!!! We don't care who you order these super cute socks for, we just want you to order them! And share this story with your friends, because we want them to order socks too! You don't have to know us to help the cause!

So to recap... Order cute socks, Help the Pump Project, supply warm socks for a local homeless person, feel awesome! It's that easy!

I can't wait to see how God works through these socks! Thanks for joining us on the journey!

Our Story...

So these amazing kids have taken a lot of you along for the ride, but just in case you don't know... here is their story...

Several years back, my husband and I decided that we needed to scale back on Christmas. We celebrate with Santa in this house, but we wanted to make Christmas about giving rather than receiving. So we decided that Santa would bring 3 gifts to our kids on Christmas morning, and our gift to our children was to give them $50 each that they have to spend on someone else.

The first year we did it, it was really more fun for us to watch than them I think. :) We got the Samaritan's Purse catalog and they spent the longest time looking through deciding what to do with their money. Did they want to buy chickens, or goats, or school supplies, or medical supplies, or combine their money and buy something bigger like a donkey? It did this momma's heart good to watch them spend hours looking through to decide what to give others. I think all in all that year we ended up with mosquito nets, chickens, school supplies for 50 children, and a goat. Not too shabby for $200.

The next year when they were looking through the catalog in October, Brayden (8 years old at the time) was reading each section. He was very thoughtfully reading the description of what each thing would provide, and trying to make the best choice he could with his $50. He said, "I think we should supply clean water for Christmas." I told him, that he didn't have enough for the hand held water pumps. They would clean water for 1 household for up to 3 months. But it was $250. I told him he would have to convince his brother and sisters to combine their money, and then they would have to try to raise $50. He said, "No Mom, for a whole village. I want clean water for the whole village." I kind of laughed and said, "well buddy, that is $10,000. I don't have $10,000. We only have $200." He looked at me with the most sincere and serious face and said, "well... we have to try."

That is where the idea was born. I could not turn him down. I knew it was a long shot, but I wanted him to know we did everything possible. I wanted him to know God could do BIG things. So scared to death, we let the kids write a letter to friends and family.

Delivering cookies in 2013

So Little!

Cookie Delievery

We spent the next 2 months doing so many little odds and ins chores for generous people. The kids were 3, 5, 7, and 8... so we were a tad limited on what we could do. But people came up with some crazy awesome things for these little people and we did it! Sorting Legos, picking up sticks and pinecones, decorating Christmas trees, feeding farm animals, addressing Christmas cards, making Christmas cards... if people thought of it, we tried to do it! We baked about 9 million cookies for cookie exchanges and Christmas parties. The kids went through all their toys and started selling them. They gave their birthday and Christmas money to the cause.  A local paper picked up the story, and MOPS international picked up the story. We had all kinds of people sending money in that were far away, but wanted to help us reach our goal! Any where from $2 to a $2,000 donation came in. It was unbelievable and humbling.

Sorted all these Legos

As we got into December we learned that Christian Relief Fund (another amazing organization) had an anonymous donor that would be willing to match whatever we raised! We were so excited!
All in all the kids ended up reaching the goal and building the well! It was such an AMAZING lesson for my children God can do ANYTHING!

February of 2014 when the well was dug, they sent us pictures and it was the amazing awesome feeling all over again!

Every now and then we check in to see how things are going in the village where the well was built. Last year around Christmas we got this message:

"Chemurgui Well has given amazing help to the community here; in fact, this is the busiest well in that location.  Because of this particular well, we have planted a church here and the community has been touched. This is the place we have built our Bible school: Victory Christian Training Institute.  In fact, it became favorable for the training because there is plenty of water there, thanks to the donor. The Bible School students use the water from here; the church uses the water from here; the community uses the water from here; the children likewise.
Because of the busy use of the well, the cry of the community is to help them put a solar and a submersible pump and tank on it so it can increase its flow in the community. Water can be pumped by the solar pump and run everywhere. The school is also working on horticulture, once water can run to the farm. I don't know if the donor is comfortable to help with this number one need. However there are other several small needs, such as goats and cows to help the area."

At the time, we had only been in Maryland for a little over a year. I felt a little nudge from the Holy Spirit telling me to pursue this and I said, "Nope. We aren't established, we don't have the network or know the area like we did in Missouri. We can't do it." And that is where I left it.

So a few months back we went through a sermon series about being Heroic. And on particular sermon talked about doing hard things that you don't think you can do, and that was heroic. And at the end of the lesson the pastor said, "Is there anything that God is asking you to do that you haven't done yet?" And then God said... "the well." Dang it! I hate it when He does that!

Current pic of the kiddos

So that day, I emailed my contact through Christian Relief Fund, and sure enough the village is STILL in need of that solar pump! So I brought it up with the kids... here is what they need, this is what it will do... what do you think? They were a 100% on board and making lists of ways to raise the money and how we can help!

Men from the local college and children from the village at our well!

So that's the story that leads us to now. So the question is... how can you help? First of all we want to say... we are open to ideas! The kids have some things in mind of things they can do (and it is important to Eric and me they have to do something) and we have a pretty exciting fundraiser that will be launched tomorrow... but here is what they have come up with:

Local People
We can do manual labor! These kiddos are hard workers and would love to do whatever jobs you can think of! Ideas they have:
-Rake leaves
-Inside Chores (bathrooms, windows, matching socks)
-Outside Chores (feeding farm animals, hauling wood, pulling weeds)
-Feeding and walking pets if you are out of town (Brayden is really hoping somebody needs care for a pet snake)
-Baked Goods- if you need them for a holiday or birthday party... let us know! If there is interest we will get a price list.

All People
-Make Christmas Cards
-Address Christmas Cards
-Participate in Fundraisers
-Help us Spread the word

We will be Selling
-Pasta Sauce
-Salsa
-Toys
-Other handmade items

Most Important of all- Please Pray!

We know that this is not us. When God told me a year ago to do this and I said, "Nope. I can't." That was a true statement. I can't. But God can, and I believe He will if we only ask. So I (and Eric and the kids) are asking you to please join us in prayer that we reach our goal and help people that need our help.

We know that this is not possible without the help of our "village". I was really scared because I felt we moved away from our village, but in all reality... God just gave us a much bigger one!  It takes a village... and we've got a good one!

Price tag: $6,500
By When: Christmas 2016

We will launch a big fundraiser tomorrow that we are SUPER EXCITED to share the details with you! It is something you can do whether near and far!

If you have a business and want to make a sizeable tax deductible contribution... I can help you with that!

If you are far a way and you (or your kids) want to contribute by doing their own local fundraiser/bake sale/whatever... we will not turn you away! :)

Donations can be sent by check to:
Cassie Kriete
27595 Avonlea Ct
Mechanicsville, MD 20659

or you can make it online at paypal:

pumpproject2016@yahoo.com

We are so excited to see what the Lord has in store!

Thanks for joining us on this journey!