I haven't decided how I feel about it. If you would have asked 20 year old Cassie what she thought her life would look like at 40, it would not have looked anything like the life I'm living. I'm not unhappy with my life, it's just very different than I envisioned.
My 30s have had some hard and some unexpected things. Moving half way across the country and not knowing a single soul, my mom getting cancer and dying, and 2 VERY unexpected little babies to complete our family (to name a few). I have gotten myself into a rut of being the wife and mom. I love these things, and feel so blessed the Lord has allowed me to have these roles, but somewhere along the way... I forgot who "Cassie" was. I got into the rut of cooking dinners, doing laundry, running people to practices, sitting on sidelines, teaching lessons, changing diapers, helping with homework, nursing babies... the list goes on, but you get the point. I kind of got lost in all the things I had to DO that I forgot who I WAS.
With great inspiration from my friend, Casey Campbell, I have decided to head into my 40s with better understanding of who I am. I know there is more than a girl that runs the carpool and changes dirty diapers hidden somewhere under here... and I hope to find her!
When I started dreaming up all the great things I would do during my 40 weeks it was pre-COVID-19. So my original list of things included lots of "going" and "doing". I had tons of places I wanted to visit while we were still here on the East Coast. I had lots of new things that I wanted to try. A LOT of those things are currently closed, with no real idea of when things will start to reopen. I still have things on my list that don't require travel or things to be open... but it might get a little creative.
The goal of the list is to do things I enjoy, things I have wanted to do but don't make the time, and things that might stretch me/put me a little outside my comfort zone.
Here was my original list (with room to think of new things along the way):
I also wanted to spend some time focusing on my health (both physically and mentally). I decided to have (at least) five 40 day focuses where I focus on something specific to my health during that time.
I am officially 6 weeks in, and through my first 40 day focus. Though it isn't how I pictured it, I'm still learning things about myself, stretching myself and dare I say enjoying being Cassie. :)
My first 40 day focus was very simple in theory, but harder than I would like to admit to actually following through. For 40 days I did not drink any soda (which had become a horrible DAILY habit) and I would not eat anything after 8pm. Both of these things had become bad, unhealthy habits that I let have too much of a stronghold on me. I felt like I NEEDED a soda every day. Turns out... I don't. :) I found that I went to bed earlier and slept better (as much as you can with 2 babies still getting up at night) throughout the process!
So, I took 3 days off before starting my second 40 day focus. I drank soda twice and ate after 8pm twice... and got super sick to my stomach. So these two habits will be carrying over to my next 40 day focus that starts Monday. Monday I will spend 40 days giving up bread/flour, processed sugar and dairy. This comes from knowing my triggers doing Whole30 a couple of times. I know I can do it, but I also know it is super hard for me! Food is such a struggle!!! I'm also going to do my nightly face washing routine every night. You would think by almost 40 I would be doing this, but I don't make it a priority. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't... so here is to committing to doing it EVERY DAY for 40 days!
I'm going to try to keep this a little more up to date for anyone that wants to follow along on this journey of #40weeksto40 so it's not so long every time. But for now, here are the first 6 weeks:
Week 1. Learned how to crack an egg with one hand! I have always wanted to know how to do this, and it took me way more times than I care to admit to get the technique down without crushing the egg, or shells in my batter, or egg all over the counter... but I'm officially a pro! I also got to do some fun creative time with "Chalk Your Walk" in our neighborhood. And enjoyed some fun family time around the campfire.
Week 2. Went all out on a birthday with no one but us in attendance. This was a first for me. I LOVE throwing a fun themed birthday party, but I have never done it without guests. There were things that were great about it... started about an hour after I planned, didn't have to clean my house, no time schedule to stick to. But I really missed having all of our friends and the family that was coming to be with us to celebrate Emmi turning one.
Week 3 I started doing a Bible study through Zoom. This is a first for me, but I must say, I am loving seeing and chatting with my girlfriends every week! And I'm loving having someone keep me accountable and discussing this book with! I'm also really enjoying all the family walks we are getting to do! With 6 kids there is always a practice, rehearsal or game to be at... so enjoying the slow pace of evenings with all of us here!
Week 4 Started online-distance learning. This is for sure more in the "stretching me" department than the "enjoy" department. I'm going to be super honest and say I really hate it, and so do my kids. I think I could really enjoy homeschool, but this is for sure not that. All of my middle school and high school kids are straight A students, and it is a real struggle for some of them. This is an entire blogpost in itself... but none-the-less, this was my week 4.
Week 5 We planted the garden! This is not a new thing for me, but it is something I really enjoy! This is a place a feel like I am me, and I love it! It is not all in, but the big garden is done and lots of flowers are budding!
Week 6 Weekly Dates!!! Say what?!?!? I know, super weird. Eric and I haven't had weekly dates in... well let's just go with never! BUT, with everything canceled for the kids and him not traveling for work, we have found time to go on a date 3 weeks in a row!!! These dates consist of ordering take-out and eating in the car somewhere... but then they are followed by great (uninterrupted) conversation or card games or dreaming of the future! And we come home to babies in bed (perk of having big kids) and refreshed for another week of all of us together... like always...all 8 of us. ;)
