Grace- Getting
something you DO NOT deserve.
Mercy- NOT
getting something you DO deserve.
Let me start by saying I am so thankful for God’s grace and
mercy. I have been blessed with so many things in this life that I do not
deserve. I have a beautiful, wonderful, healthy family that loves me despite
all my major flaws. They are forgiving and amazing and I am blessed beyond
measure. I also (after much examination over the past week) deserve to be
thrown to the wolves, shun from humanity, you name the “shunning” I probably
deserve it. I mess up… ALL. THE. TIME!
God is so amazing and I am continually in awe at the numerous chances He
gives me… over, and over, and over again… because even though I know what I
should be doing, how I should be living, the choices I should be making… I don’t
always do it…. Over, and over, and over again. I am so thankful (especially
this month) for grace AND mercy.
The first week of Roles and Responsibilities has been harsh.
Evaluating and interviewing to determine how I am doing in the roles of my life…
well let’s just say there is a lot of potential for improvement. :) The good
news is I am not doing EVERYTHING wrong… so I don’t have to just scrap it and
start all over (which is great b/c I have cute kids and an awesome husband… I
would hate for that to go to waste:)). I
will give you a few highlights of my findings and from here on out you will get
to see how I am implementing some of my changes and the things I am learning
along the way. :)
When “interviewing” my husband about my homemaker role this is
how the conversation started: “Hubs, what is the most important thing… the
thing that would mean the most to you… for me to accomplish and be considered
doing a good job as a stay at home mom/house wife?” Now before I give you his
answer, let me set the stage… we are sitting in the kitchen (first day of the
fast)… it has been a rough couple of weeks (some unexpected things occurred that
put me out of commission). There are dishes piled in the sink, dirty clothes
waiting to go down the basement, the ironing board is still out from the
morning, the floor probably hasn’t been swept in a couple of days, the table
needs to be wiped off, there are dead flowers in the vase on the kitchen table,
everyone’s shoes are strewn about the living room floor… and bless his ever
loving heart… his response was, “Dusting. The thing that really just bugs me is
dusting.” Dusting?!?!? Seriously?!?! Does he not see the world around us? I don’t
know if this was supposed to be a “you never dust until everything else in the
house is clean, so let’s be at that point all the time” or if the dust really
does bother him and he can live with the mountains of dirty dishes and laundry…
but his response was dusting.
Parenting- this is where I thought my harshest critics would
come out. Kids are always brutally honest. I mean earlier in the summer, when
discussing what I would do when everyone went to school, Brayden told me I
could probably do a better job of packing lunches and cleaning the house… and this
was not to be mean… he saw my areas of weakness (and they are very much my
areas of weakness) and wanted to give me some honest feedback with a few
pointers. He apologized when he realized it hurt my feelings, but he was just
being honest, as most children are. Surprisingly, I got rave reviews! My kids
think I am doing awesome… I fully expected to get the “here is what you should
be doing” but it was quite the opposite. Now I know there is much room for improvement,
but the harsh honesty of children was not so harsh this time. :)
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| Love these little people! |
Friendship- this had such a wide variety in responses it is
difficult to know where to start. I spent a lot of time in prayer about this
one this week… I pretty much need God to paint me a very clear picture on what
this looks like for me… because I am really struggling in this area. There is
lots of room for clarity and growth in this department… I knew I struggled with
relationships/friendships with women, but I didn’t realize how much until this
month started.
The evaluation process was tough to hear, as the truth is a
lot of the time. When your husband starts a conversation with, “Don’t be mad…
but I think you need to hear this…” you know it is going to be a hard truth
that you don’t want to hear, and you probably will be mad. But when it
something you already know about yourself, you just don’t have people point it
out to you (because it is an ugly truth), and
you now have someone that knows you better than anyone on this earth
willing to risk a week of the silent treatment for pointing out something in
order to make you a better human being… you thank your lucky stars that God
gave you an awesome, Godly man that supports you through a crazy year of
fasting and loves you unconditionally and can start a conversation with, “Don’t
be mad… but I think you need to hear this…”.
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| So thankful for this man! |
God’s grace is abundant in my life and I am so thankful for
it. This month, though a rough, harsh start, will be a great one of
productivity and clarity… I can just feel it!
Thanks for joining me on the journey!
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