Food: Day 12

One great change this week… I’m not hungry! I spent two days making crockpot meals (4 meals total) that I could use for my “go to” meals this week. It made the lunch time and ballgame nights so much easier to have something I knew I liked, was fasting approved, would fill me up, and wasn’t eggs. :) I had a little helper helping me prepare things. Lots of peeling and chopping and crockpotting(I know it is not a word)… we had a good time.

Another added bonus… I found something I LOVE!!! There aren’t tons of things I’ve tried that I hated (though there are a few), most things were enjoyable, but this is the first thing I found that I love! Frozen banana, raspberries and/or blackberries, and pineapple… blend and enjoy! I have enjoyed this lovely concoction 4 times this week. I can also safely say I will enjoy it post food month… it was that yummy.

Here is something I am struggling with and would love some opinions. Going on a date with my husband that does not revolve around food, how do I do this? And when I say going on a date, I mean… It has been a really long week at my house with family in the hospital, 2 kids to Urgent care, stitches, bruised ribs, lots of crying and whining, bad news, hormonal kind of week… I need to relax kind of date. Eric and I do have fun dates… kayaking, running, lots of fun go do things kind of dates. But when I just want an evening to relax and have a break from my children, our go to is dinner and a movie (and that movie usually contains candy, soda, and the possibility of movie theater popcorn- all no can dos on the fast). I need another option. Last week we were all set to go on a date and literally couldn’t think of anything other than dinner and a movie, so we ended up spending a family night. We found relaxing things to do. Went to the river front and watched the Washington Brass Band and went to the outdoor movie for the kids. It was fun and relaxing, but I want a grown up date.  I would love ideas… relaxing, don’t have to put forth much mental or physical effort, doesn’t cost and arm and a leg ideas. :)

As far as food goes, it has not been a horrible week. I have had my moments (referring to Day 11’s fasting induced cry), but all in all the week has not been horrible. My attitude has changed, so that makes the food thing not as difficult…most of the time. ;) We did have a Sonic slush run this week (with all the doctor visits… it is just what we do) and I will say it is just not the same ordering a water, but I enjoyed the ice and it fulfilled the thirst factor, so I guess it served it’s purpose.

Almost to the half way point! What a ride!

Thanks for joining me on the journey!

Food: Day 11

Well, I had my first fasting induced cry.  It was a long day of kids, a husband running late, I was hormonal, and I just had a lot on my plate that day… and I did it, I just sat in my car and cried like a baby. I wanted a candy bar (because you know a candy bar will fix all your problems) so as I sat in my car crying I sent out a SOS text to my council. They came to my rescue with encouraging words, scripture, and alternate plans (though I apparently didn’t pick someone that would encourage me to cheat… I was waiting for her to show up in the texting thread). I drove my car down to the river and blasted 2 songs over and over, singing at the top of my lungs and crying all at the same time. Help Me Find It by Sidewalk Prophets and The Proof of Your Love by for King & Country.

The lines that just repeat over and over in my head… The ones I long to let my life resemble in every way (though have a very difficult time doing it)…

If there’s a road I should walk, help me find it

If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment.

Whatever Your will, whatever Your will, will You help me find it?

So Let my life be the proof, the proof of Your love.

Let my love look like You and what You’re made of.

How You lived, how You died, Love is sacrifice.

So let my life be the proof, the proof of Your love.

So after a good half hour of crying and singing and praying(and the couple walking along the riverfront trail giving me really weird looks, probably assuming I was about to drive into the river), I got it. Sometimes I just need a little shot of the bigger picture. This dumb little fast that sometimes seems so difficult is absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. If God needs to use me craving a candy bar on a hormonal, cruddy day and depriving myself of that to show me the bigger picture, then so be it.

I desperately want to do God’s will, sometimes I just struggle to know exactly what that is. I so desperately want to be the proof of God’s love. I want to be that girl that oozes Jesus, that there is no denying that she is a Christian, that does what Jesus would do… all the time. But I am not. I’m not even sure what that looks like exactly, but I long for it.  And the Holy Spirit is working on me. I’ve got some crazy things stirring in my heart, and I believe wonderful things will come of this fast.

And to think this all came from depriving myself of a candy bar! ;) Love what God can do with the smallest of actions.

Thanks for joining me on the journey!

Food: Day 8

The social world revolves around food! I am just as guilty as the next guy of doing this… and I wasn’t really aware this was the case until I was in a position not to partake of the festivities. I held a baby shower for my sister-in-law this weekend… there was one short game and the entire rest of the time was people eating food and visiting and eating more food (most of which I could not have… yes I know I hosted the event and had control over this… but none the less, most was forbidden). We went to a nephew’s birthday party and the party was based around building your own ice cream sundaes. Super cute idea… but based around food. 

Side note: I am SUPER proud of my kids! The ice cream sundae party was a family event, and ice cream is one of the things that my children chose to give up this month. I knew this would be tough for them, so we talked about it before we went and prayed in the car as a family before we went in. My super thoughtful sister-in-law, Heather, knew my kids were fasting ice cream so prepared some cupcakes for them so they would not feel so left out. But the kids did not complain once. I know the cupcake is not a healthier option, but it was a different option than what everyone else was doing, so that proved my point to my children. Landen even said after the party, “I wasn’t even tempted by the ice cream.” So in my opinion, it was a fasting success with the kids today.

Back to my point… looking back through pictures of birthday parties (You should know this family likes to go all out for birthdays… costumes, décor, games, themed food… the whole nine yards… I love to do it) so much of every party is based around the food. As someone who is looking at food in a new light, it is sometimes difficult to enjoy these social events if you are not partaking in the food.  I need to change this… Not only about the events that I throw, but on my perspective going into an event. I need to go in with the mindset of fellowship rather than self indulgence. It is a much harder transition than you would think.

I also want to make this point… this is a fast for me. For me, it is not a lifestyle change or something that I plan to embrace fully for the rest of my life. Do I think this fast is giving me a new perspective on food and how my body works (or doesn’t work) because of it… absolutely. Do I think I will go the rest of my life without consuming bread or cheese or sugar… probably not. The point of a fast is to be uncomfortable and inconvenienced in order to let the Holy Spirit move me (however the Holy Spirit wants to do that). I’m not sure exactly what God will do with my heart over the next 3 weeks, but I think Jen Hatmaker said it best when she said this, “Jesus, May there be less of me and my junk and more of You and Your kingdom. I will reduce, so He can increase.” That is how I feel exactly!

I know most things I have read say about week 2 you no longer crave the sugar or want to eat the other things you have given up… you just feel so good. Well… I am NOT there. I still dream of my mother-in-law’s cinnamon rolls, melted cheese on anything/everything, and some dang chips to go with all this salsa I’m eating.  It may come, it may not. But right now I think God has is there for the purpose of depriving myself of this self indulgence to lean on Him for the comfort, not the food.

We sang in church this morning…

“I need Thee, oh I need Thee.

Every hour I need Thee.

Oh bless me now my Savior,

I come to Thee.”

So very, very perfect. One of my all time favorite hymns… I have this song on auto repeat in my mind (and sometimes out loud) this month.  This might even inspire a craft project and a giveaway by the end of the week. :)

What an amazing journey, thanks for joining me on it!

Food: Day 7

Well… I made it a week. This week has been tough. I have learned lots of things about my eating habits that I never knew existed. For example… if I put too much cereal in a cereal bowl I am making for a child in the morning, I take a handful out and put it in my mouth. When I am done fixing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for school lunches, I always lick the knife. When I am baking or cooking and a piece falls off of something, I put it in my mouth. I am a very lazy cook. I like simple, go to, do not prepare (or know what is actually in my food) options for breakfast and lunch. These are all things I am being made painfully aware of as I have almost cheated (accidentally of course) so many times this week.

Hard things this week: 

Ballgames! We had ballgames almost every night this week. Preparing a sit down meal is challenging when you are always walking out the door (if you don’t prepare in advance). I could always have the kids fed before we left, but preparing a whole30 compliant meal for myself usually didn’t happen until post game. Then I was just frustrated by all the nachos, burger, and hotdogs I saw people eating at the games.

Daytime craziness. This week just so happen to be a very busy week of errand running, swim lessons, field trips, baby showers and other commitments. Next week should calm back down to normal. But again, my lack of preparing made me not being able to eat at normal times (the lack of preparing is a running theme if you hadn’t noticed). So I resorted to eggs and salsa (sometimes with a side of guacamole) almost everyday for lunch because I was too tired and hungry to fix anything else. I now have 2 canker sores in my mouth… most likely from the amount of salsa consumed this week. 

Evil outside forces a.k.a. my husband. Ok… I am completely joking about this. I love my husband dearly and he hasn’t been here a good portion of the first week of the fast so I am going to cut him a break. But he came home from Germany with a GIANT bag of gummy bears and huge bars of chocolate for the kids… because they were made in Germany of course. I told him it was like Satan himself was standing in my kitchen trying to lure me to the dark side. :)

So those are the challenges I am facing the first week of this fast.

I did go back and re-read the chapter on food in the book 7 by Jen Hatmaker (the inspiration for this entire fasting process). It made me feel like a giant baby. She had only 7 items of food for the entire month. Though my options have decreased dramatically from my normal routine, I have SOOOO many more options than 7. So that has helped a little in my attitude adjustment toward the end of the week. 

 I have also been reading the book It Starts with Food. It is all about the Whole30 program. I am definitely having a love/hate relationship with the book. It is very enlightening, but it makes me want to eat nothing…ever.  I was very encouraged that the founders of this crazy thing had a rough time too in the beginning. She loved it, she hated it. It was amazing, it was terrible.  I feel the exact same way. So I am not the only one that has food related mood swings. :) I am just a couple chapters in; I will let you know how it goes. 

This week has been mostly about the mechanics of the whole thing… what can I eat what I can’t. I am reading packages and labels non-stop. Researching, goggling, hunting for recipes in compliance… these are all things that have occurred this week. I haven’t had too many “God moments” related to food yet, but I will tell you two things that are happening.

This fast in making me be in constant prayer. Not only for me, but for my wonderful friends that are doing this along side me. Every time there is a temptation or a bad attitude toward the food I “have” to eat or something I am not allowed to eat this month… I am praying. This seems to be occurring way more often during the day than in the previous month’s fasts. So for that I am thankful.

Not that this would have to be food related, but it just so happen to be this week. Addi and I were having a picnic lunch and eating watermelon. She was being a typical three year old and just enjoying the watermelon, letting all the juice flow down her arms and onto her clothes.  I was sitting on a bench, so I bent forward to take a bite of my watermelon as to not be covered in juice. Addi watched me do this a couple of times and then started mimicking my actions. She was bending forward to take a bite too. It was an instant realization and fantastic visual reminder that she (and my other children) are watching my every move and using that as a guideline on what they should be doing. In Proverbs 22:6 (King James is my favorite version on this one) it says: Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Though I don’t think they are talking about food here, there is something to be said about EVERY action we make being part of that “training up” process. I think it is important to train up our children to make good choices in EVERY area of their lives… even the ones that don’t seem so “spiritual”. And the best way is to lead by example.

 This is such a crazy, incredible, sometimes extremely challenging journey. Thanks so much for joining me on it!

Food: Day 3

For. The. Love!!! 

Temptations were in full force today. Why, oh why, do you taunt me you buttery, corny, yummy smelling goodness? I had a field trip at the movie theater with all three of my school aged children. Not only did EVERY child in the theater have popcorn and a soda, the price of my ticket came with popcorn and a soda. The poor cashier, who really wanted me to take the popcorn because “you have already paid for it” did not understand… I want the popcorn… I can’t have the popcorn. I finally just walked away from the counter and proceeded to the very delicious smelling theater where EVERYONE (did I mention I was the only one without?) had popcorn. I don’t even usually get popcorn at the movie theater, but it was there just tempting me to take a bite. Grrrrrr….

1st-4th grade... every child with a box in hand!

After the movie, I was saved by a sweet, delicious peach that was waiting for me in the car. I headed to the store to pick up some sugar snap peas (because I forgot to get them the last shopping trip). I headed out for my run. It completely zapped me! I need to figure out a better way to fuel on my designated foods, because it was not a good run, and now I was starving. I managed in the next 45 minutes (while making phone calls and reading) to consume 2 ENTIRE bags of peas. That is 5 servings people!  I think I am going to put on a ton of weight this month just by the shear volume of food I am consuming in order to feel full.

I headed to pick up Addi (I had to drive past Sonic… during Happy Hour… let’s just not talk about it) where she had a wonderful day with Ms. Joy and Mr. Mike. She was telling me all about her day and her special treat of eating lunch at St. Louis Bread Co.  I’m not typically jealous of 3 year olds, but she had leftovers to take home (insert heart palpitations and a parent contemplating stealing a young child's food). And being the kind and generous 3 year old, she really wanted to share. I wanted to throw her cookie out the window, but I refrained.

Then after school came with its own set of torments… not only for me, but my poor children, to whom which I have drug along on this journey (kind of). Curse the Ice Cream Man that drove by my house for 45 minutes with his slow moving truck of yummy temptations and creepy music. You taunt me and my young innocent children… not cool ice cream truck guy…not cool.

Here is to hoping for less temptations (or better attitude towards them)tomorrow.

Thanks for joining me on the journey!

Food: Day 2

Today was better. I went into it with a better attitude, so I think that helps. I also went to the store and bought dry roasted nuts (per the recommendation of many people that have done this and did not starve to death), so I finally felt full in between meals today.

Grocery store discoveries today… there is added sugar (and a bunch of other stuff that most the time you can’t even pronounce) in soooo many things! It is hard to find things that are already made that do not contain a bunch of filler stuff. Which lead me to another discovery- healthy, good for you food is expensive and work.  I’m not saying it is not worth it, I am just saying that making everything from scratch takes a lot of time and prep. If you attempt to buy things premade and healthy, you pay the price. $10 jar of almond butter (instead of $3.48 for JIF) and I don’t even like it… literally gagged. Some things I will just do without this month. :)

Today after school Eleni asked if they could have an ice cream cone for a snack. Landen quickly reminded her that we were giving it up for the month. She started to pout about it, and then quickly turned it into, “I can eat the cone, right?” there was no rule about giving up cones, so she enjoyed her ice cream cone and her blue berries. This led into a small sad moment tonight when looking at the school menu to discover that they were having pizza a school tomorrow. (Curse you school lunch for having pizza during the fast!!!) Eleni started crying at the thought of not getting to eat it when everyone else does and I am starting to doubt my thoughts on bringing them into this fast. I don’t want them to hate it, or have bad feelings towards God or fasting because it is miserable, but I do think they can learn something. What is too much at a young age? I just don’t know. So I pray that tomorrow doesn’t go too poorly, and it is overridden by something amazing I pack in her lunch (not sure what that will be yet, but I am sure it will be amazing :)).

Another disturbing thing I discovered about myself today is how much I rely on food to bring me happiness or reward myself (or my children for that matter). When trying to think of a reward for good behavior, it is always something like… family out for ice cream, someone gets to choose where we go out to eat, you get a special dessert or special treat. I reward my children and myself way too much with junk! So I am on a mission to find a better reward system… things that make me happy that do not involve food (sadly this will take a lot of effort). 

This is a challenging journey… thanks for joining me on it!